Everyone wants to be loved. It’s a natural and primal feeling that’s at the core of who we are.

In fact, in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, the third group of basic human needs includes love and belonging. These needs include the need to be desired and cherished by family, friends, and partners.

Normally, the search for love comes from a desire to fulfill this need, and ends in a feeling of contentment and happiness. But sometimes, that’s not the case.

Sometimes, when a person has a negative past attached to the feeling of love, this search comes from a place of fear and avoidance—it becomes an unconscious way to escape ourselves.

Why We See Love As An Escape

Growing up, most of us were taught that love was the greatest feeling in the world. Whether it’s romantic love or another kind of love, it was placed at the pinnacle of human imagining.

Fairytales didn’t help, as they made us believe that love was the cure-all for all the problems in the world—including our own inner issues.

The idea that love—mostly romantic love—is the only way to be truly happy tricks us into thinking that our problems will end once we find it.

This is why we search for love to escape ourselves.

Signs You’re Using Love To Escape Yourself

Even though the ‘high’ of falling in love is incomparable to any of the negative feelings associated with it, using it to escape your inner negative emotions can be damaging to your mental and emotional health.

Here are some signs to look out for if you feel like you might be using love to silence your negative thoughts:

  • You believe that you’re incomplete without a partner
  • Your relationships have a history of being dramatic and stormy
  • You feel like the perfect relationship will solve all your problems
  • You consider yourself a romantic idealist
  • Your entire focus is to find someone who’s the perfect fit for you.

How To Let Go Of The Need To Escape Yourself

The best way to let go of the need to escape yourself is to try and resolve your conflicting emotions by going back to your basic human needs and fulfilling unmet ones.

A great way to do that is by downloading the NIKU application. The app was created using the principles of neuropsychology and works as an online psychological counselor or a life coach to help you satisfy your unmet needs by giving them new context.

If you want to download the app, please visit, the Apple App Store. In case you’re an Android user, the app is also available on the Google Play Store.